Snark Week, 2018

Summer quarter attracts certain types of student:  those who are driven to get things done before Fall quarter begins, and those who like to think that “Summer” quarter means that classes should be easier (or optional).  For my younger students who are changing from high school transitioning to college can be a culture shock – the workload is higher, and just showing up isn’t enough to allow you to pass.  For my older students who have a work ethic, this can mean that I expect you to unlearn some of the mistakes that you have been practicing over the past 5 or 10 years.

Try showing up to class more than half the time.

Which is to say, that at the halfway through Summer, the excuses are piling up.

The majority of my students are working hard and learning well, and for those students: thank you!!!   I have a special few who seem to have a singleminded desire to fail, and attempt to bring others with them.  So for this special Summertime edition of midterm misanthropy:

  • It would be nice to get overtime to answer questions… that I had just answered 5 minutes ago.  Payable by the student.
  • …with interest (rates go up with respect to the student’s level of disrespect to the class).
  • Sharks can be very educational.  For example, I think it would be educational to have students swim with a shark that was last fed at the due date of the homework they are turning in.  So a student turning in work 3 weeks late could swim next to a 3 week starved shark.
  • For students doing the previous while neglecting their current work, I think multiple starved sharks would be motivating.
  • With this in mind I may give the nickname “chum” to students who show up late on test days.
  • Students who only show up on test days may have their legal name changed to “Chum T. Unemployed.”
  • Dead eyed students who inexplicably ask for a passing grade (or grade increase) without earning it could be used as an extra in the live action remake of “Sharknado.”

I will not kill my students and wear their skins. I will not kill my students and wear their skins. I will not kill my students and wear their skins…

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