It is the middle of the quarter, and I have already burned through 3 red pens. 3. Red. Pens.
Imagine the number of comments, mistakes, and the sheer volume of … creative … math that I have had to wade through to go through that much red ink. This is just the grading portion of teaching this quarter. I’ve also had a bumper crop of over-participators, students who feel that a calculator is a right rather than a privilege, and a few folks who defy description.
Midterm misanthropy has set in.
Now don’t get me wrong. I love teaching and I love my students, but there are a few things that would improve my mood.
- A big red stamp that just says “NOPE” that I can use on repeated mistakes.
- I need a mute button for some of my over-participators.
- … and my younger students who don’t understand this isn’t high school.
- … and my chatty students who don’t realize that when I’m lecturing, they need to stop relating drinking stories.
- … and the people on the ferry who asked me if I speak “white” (True story. It didn’t end well for him.)
- Maybe a cattle prod instead of a mute button.
- More red pens.
- A set of stocks* as a teaching tool to get people to stop trying to add denominators together.
- “Force choke” the next person who asks me to teach them the ENTIRE lesson of the day they were absent. (My sympathy is with Darth Vader at this point in my life).
- Banana spiders. For educational purposes.
- Access to all of the student’s Junior High School yearbooks.
I will not kill my students and wear their skin. I will not kill my students and wear their skin. I will not kill my students and wear their skin…
* Not the financial type of “stocks”. Think old-time village square “stocks”.