Midterm Misanthropy: “So Unfair”

How could I resist following up a post on critical thinking and bias with a rant about students.

The ones who are currently burning my bacon are the ones who are crying “it’s not fair!”   Why?   Why do some students cry “unfair?”   For some reason not giving special consideration  is “unfair”.  This level of entitlement just perplexes me… although I see it happening more and more frequently.

Do you even syllabus?Some of my students think that I am quite cruel (incidentally, ALL of these have happened within the last 6 months):

  • I’m unfair for requiring attendance;
  • I’m unfair for not taking late work (from unexcused absences);
  • I’m unfair for making students answer their homework questions (rather than just trying), and show their work, and include units;
  • I’m unfair for requiring students to check their work, after I announced it in class;
  • I’m unfair for making students take tests after they were absent;
  • I’m unfair for requiring doctor’s notes after a week long absence;
  • I’m unfair for not reteaching a day’s lecture and supplying notes for a student who was absent;
  • I’m unfair for not allowing calculators on tests (in a basic math class);
  • I’m unfair for not allowing notes on tests;
  • I’m unfair for not allowing cellphones to be used as calculators;
  • I’m unfair for failing students who REALLY NEED to pass, but couldn’t be bothered to attend class regularly, turn in homework, or show up for tests.

 

There are times I have to wonder:   am I really teaching college students?   I will admit, most of my students look at their fellows strangely when they ask for these things.   But there is a certain type of student who never matured past their early teenage years it seems…

So with that in mind, here are my midterm misanthropic teaching fantasies:

  • For my teenage students who feel put upon by homework, I want them to understand the grim reality of “day-in, day-out” with employment.   And how failure to do the work can mean unemployment.
  • I have been seriously tempted to tell students who ask “do I need to show up for the test?” with “You’re a grownup.  You can decide whether you want to pass or not.”
  • When someone asks if they missed anything in class, I want to say “Yes, fill this out,” and hand them an application for McTuckyFried Bell.
  • I have an extended kidnapping-and-interrogation fantasy for students ask “do I need to know this?”   Basically I want to my quizzes administered with waterboarding as motivation.
  • I want to have an anti-whining drone in my classroom.   Armed with digitalis-darts to paralyze whiners.
  • I want an oubliette,  for educational purposes, of course.

 

I will not kill my students and wear their skin.   I will not kill my students and wear their skin.   I will not kill my students and wear their skin…

 

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