Midterm Misanthropy

We have reached midterms! And I have managed to survive, although I am somewhat sleep deprived.

One of my colleagues and I were discussing whether or not there was such a thing as “grading too harshly?” And eventually we came to the conclusion that there probably wasn’t. “Failure is always an option” is one of my teaching philosophies. And while I was happy about my classes doing pretty well… some students are exercising their options.

Not showing up for entire weeks. Making up math. Abuse of the English language in emails.

(Students reading this: please keep sending me emails! Communication is still a good thing, even if I don’t understand you all the time. Also: I would rather you *try* than not, but some of your attempts make me wince. I suppose you can consider it revenge for assigning the questions in the first place.)

So here are some misanthropic teaching fantasies that I will entertain over this weekend.

  • A dunce cap for asking questions that we answered 5 minutes earlier.
  • A tazer for students who WON’T STOP INTERRUPTING.
  • I want to start charging for all of the students who ask “so can I make up  _____” after being absent for days at a time.
  • Bounty hunters for students who don’t do their homework.
  • Pelting students with handfuls of glitter when they continue to do “magic math”.
  • Automatic failure for people wanting to discuss the Superbowl with me.
  • I want a trapdoor for the students who show up late and still try to sign in on attendance.
  • Immediate gag and restraints for any who feel that (1) their social calendar is more important than lecture; (2) “but I’ve always done it that way” is a good reason to ignore the instructions; (3) dividing by zero is just a made up rule they can ignore.
  • A “worst student execution” at the end of the quarter.   THAT would be motivational!

 

I will not kill my students and wear their skin… I will not kill my students and wear their skin…. I will not kill my students and wear their skin….

 

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