Misanthropy, and evil teaching fantasies

There are times during the quarter where I must control my snark monster.      Being impatient in a class is counterproductive… and while many of the meetings, and surveys, and seminars that teachers are invited to are informative, they invariably take a great deal of time.   So I’m going to take a few moments to indulge in some harmless teaching misanthropy  (Actually, I think Miss Anthropy would be a fantastic name for a Dominatrix).    Please note that no students were harmed in the making of this post.

Evil teaching fantasies…

  • I would love to burst into maniacal laughter and pointing the next time a student promised that they would get their homework done.     Anytime I hear this, I hear “I haven’t done my homework yet, but I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT DOING IT!”      Muahahaha!   I haven’t flunked you yet, but I’ve thought about doing it!
  • Then there are some old standbys – like locking the classroom door so latecomers have to stand outside.   On test days.    Now THAT would be educational.
  • Hmm… perhaps a birdcage and a flogging bench in class might be a nice addition.   I’m sure I can find a riding crop somewhere.   Pain is motivational, right?
  • Or create some jigsaw-esque torture machines that involve solving complex algebraic equations… in their heads.
  • … I will not kill my students and wear their skin.   I will not kill my students and wear their skin.   I will not kill my students and wear their skin…


Ah well, I still get  a little endorphin rush every time I break out a new red pen.   The stories that I actually am using student blood for grading have been grossly blown out of proportion.

(I still can’t decide if saying “just kidding” would sound disingenuous or sincere.)

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