Mid-Term “adventures”

This post today has very little to do with teaching.  Just some reflections…

You know how things rarely happen one at a time in your life?   One problem? Okay, that is easy enough.  But let’s see how much you can take …   Life happens.   And sometimes life happens really, really hard.

Let me back up a bit.

A few things are happening.  Like moving, doing taxes, and getting sick.

Moving is a painful chore.   First there is the joy of sorting through all of your belongings, packing them up, and staging them for hauling.   Add to that scheduling moving vehicles and storage, overbearing landlords, friends who can’t help (legitimately), and the continuous processes of not having the right size boxes and losing your strapping tape.

Stressed yet?   Oh hey, have you done your taxes?   Show up to the tax prep place, take all of your documents… and wait for two hours.   You decide to run some errands while you wait, and end up getting locked out of your car.   Fun times.

Then there is illness…  Getting sick as a teacher is different than in other types of jobs.   In other jobs, you can call in sick, go to the doctor and get useful drugs, sit at home drink tea and binge-watch old TV shows.  Maybe you need to answer a call from work.

As a teacher, you call in sick, write lesson plans for a sub, check your emails to monitor whether your students have gone crazy or if you need a new sub.  Then you write more lesson plans, and answer emails.  Maybe that evening you can watch some TV, but only after you have written the rubrics for your assignments, because you will have an avalanche of grading waiting for you when you get back.

Getting really sick… is scary, regardless of your profession.   Your body doesn’t feel right.  No matter how excellent and professional the doctors are, it is still frightening.   I’m a mathematician by trade, so I understand statistics and appreciate a good explanation about relative versus absolute risk.  There is no such thing as risk free.  And I also know that in an individual case (like… mine), there it isn’t a 90% success chance… it will be either 0 or 100%. That is all.  And still most of my brain wants to take care of my students, as well as wants to reassure my friends and loved ones that I’m fine.

Not freaking outSo… I’m working on crisis lesson plans, as well as other contingency plans.   There are parts of me that want to be reassured by my loved ones that everything will be alright, because… fuuuuu….

I want to play hooky and binge watch scary movies.

I may do that while I pack.

Time to warp minds!

I have learned a great deal about teaching over the past few years.  From how to put together a good test to how to time a lecture without people going to sleep.     There is a world of difference between subject matter experts and teachers.    There is a lot of difference between just saying coherent things about a subject, and being able to engage students in a meaningful way,  help them learn new concepts and processes, and then evaluate them on their performance.

As time goes on I continue to refine my list of things that it takes to be a good teacher,  rather than a subject matter expert with a classroom.

  • Entertainment.    At least half of teaching is grabbing students attention and keeping it.
  • Patience.   Students will learn at their own pace, not always at yours.
  • Planning.    Your students will have a plan for your class time.   You won’t like theirs.
  • Self-Care.   Any teacher who doesn’t take time for themselves will soon become useless to everyone.
  • Alternatives.    No single explanation will work for all of your students, so be ready to help the outliers.
  • Empathy.   Listen to your students, they will tell you (and show you) what they need.
  • Communication.   Because you can’t really go wrong when you talk to your colleagues and your students.

One of the things that you can’t really fake:   enthusiasm.     Being excited about the subject matter, and feeling good about showing it to others is something that students appreciate.   Plus it helps that coming to work does not feel like work.

Also, a sense of humor can help you keep sane.

Now… it is time to warp some minds.

Horoscopes for Spring Quarter (2016)

Spring break is winding to a close, and you know what that means!    Another fun filled quarter is just around the corner.   The time has come to put on the sunglasses, show up to class (hopefully not to hung over from the break… I’m not just speaking to the students), and start the process of learning anew.

For now:   here are your horoscopes for the next 12 weeks.

Aries (March 21 – April 20) 

I know you like to live in the moment, Aries.   You are someone who lives for now, which is nice… but the skeletons in your closet are starting to collaborate with each other, so it looks like it is time for some Spring cleaning.     Look at the promises you make, versus the promises you keep.     Do you think that maybe “Living in the now” may just be a way of avoiding those pesky obligations?

This term, keep up with your homework or suffer.

Taurus  (April 21 – May 21)

Springtime is the right time.   Love?  Check.  School goals?  Check.   Family?  Check.   Time to wait?   Nope.

Opportunities that come your way now may not come back, so keep alert.   Also, “perfect” opportunities are an evil lie sold by Wall Street… so take the risk (and the work) that goes with the reward.

Also,  a Libra is hatching a plot against you.   It’s kind of flattering, really.

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

You know that feeling that you’ve missed something?   You are going to have that.   So check to see if there was another class on your schedule that you didn’t attend, or that you are ready for your exams, or that you are wearing pants.

Don’t look into the browser history of any Aquariuses.   There are some things you just can’t unsee.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Cancer, I appreciate that you are taking the time to read this, but you just don’t have the time.

Run.   Run like your life depends on it.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

“Love without pain is like food without flavor” is something that you may or may not agree with, Leo.  But I can tell you this, you will need some variety in your life.  You are passionate about what you love, just keep doing a couple different things for contrast!    It is helpful to embrace some changes to keep things fresh for you.   This keeps those passions as a slow burn, instead of just a flash in the pan.

A Virgo is going to pelt you mercilessly with mixed metaphors.   Be ready.

Virgo (August 23 – September 23)

I know that Virgos are notorious for planning things to death.    There are two things to keep in mind with this:   you can plan things to death (thus sucking any spontaneity out of your life), and you can still be blindsided by events.

There aren’t enough contingencies in the world to account for your life this Spring.   Buckle up, buttercup, because this is going to be fun.   If you let it.

Avoid Aries holding syringes asking you to trust them.

Libra (September 24-October 23)

You know the saying that “God never gives you more than you can handle?”   As a working hypothesis, it is disproven by the number of suicides every day.   So here is the thing to consider:  you don’t have to handle things alone.   Also, it is fine to acknowledge that you aren’t good at everything, Libra.   I know that isn’t easy to admit, but it could save your life.

Seek out a Capricorn for some advice.   And some really, really good sex.   Seriously.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 22)

Your life this term is going to feel like you’re living in a fairy tale.   Not the Disney fairy tale.   There are going to be ideas that will abduct your consciousness, and run you through a thousand years of life… and you will discover that only a week has passed.   Your transformations will be profound, but only in how you perceive the world.

Also, avoid fairies.   They’ll eat you and wear your skin for boots.

Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21)

I know you had planned on taking it easier this quarter, Sagittarius, but the world has other ideas for you.   While your workload is going to be doable,  a lot of your education is going to happen outside of school.   You are going to learn some valuable lessons, if not always comfortable ones.

Also, don’t hide bodies in your trunk.   The police will look there.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Does life feel like a tango to you Capricorn?   Intense, then twisting away from you at the last moment?    It isn’t always about the forward progression, so don’t concern yourself with the number of steps forward and the steps back you have taken.   The joy is in the chase, the tension of push and pull, and in the passion of the moment.    Don’t worry about the grades, just shut up and dance.

Also,  a Virgo will probably make an astonishing offer to you.   Do you dare?

Aquarius (January 21 – February 19)

You are done.   I know that you feel like you have more to do, but the rest is just busy work.

Play is where you are going to shine.   Have fun, expand your horizons, and whatever you do don’t get caught.

Pisces (February 20 – March 20)

I know you consider yourself fairly worldly.   On the other hand, you haven’t had a quarter like this one.

So, if you find that you suddenly dreaming that you have been abducted by aliens, they were all cats, and they chased you because they thought you were a spider… don’t discount it as just a dream.   This quarter you may so much time in the realm of the bizarre that you may want to get a reality boost from some grounded friends.

Also,  avoid a Taurus with an axe.

 

Enjoy your quarter.  Stay sane-ish.

Math or Crucifixion?

This was a previously written and redacted, because it was a bit offensive.  I decided to … resurrect it … because it was apropos for Easter weekend.    Please remember, this is meant as comedy.

Also, if you have a good answer to the question:   Why is it called “Good Friday” if it is the day of remembrance for someone’s torture and death?  (Answer in the comments!)

Here we have it:   the comparison between math and crucifixion


Some days my sense of humor gets the better of me, and today is one of those days.  I was having a conversation with a colleague about teaching linear algebra.   The subject matter is interesting but with many details to keep track of, and we got to the point where the students usually say “I just don’t know where to start.”   And many found it excruciating.   One of us (probably me) had a moment where instead of saying they found it excruciating, they found it like being crucified.    Something about this was incredibly funny to us.

Yes, I know some people will be offended by this.     If so, I will remind you that *you* installed that particular button.    If you feel you may be offended**, then skip this post.

 

  • The process of crucifixion is an act of torture that is meant set an example for others.
  • (Linear) algebra uses examples that are torturous.
  • One involves a painstaking process to things started, in the other they just nail you to something.
  • It seems excruciating at the start, but it gets worse before the end.
  • If you do it right, you will end up killing trees
  • It seems beautiful from a distance, but the closer you get to it you realize how messy it truly is.
  • Both will yield “Cross-Products”
  • There are fanatics who will practice these things to this very day.   There are also religious zealots.
  • Orthogonal Transformations.

Yes, it is a horrible image, I know.   It’s funny if you are me ***.

 

**     If you are offended because you are of a Christian or Catholic faith, then you can be both titillated and offended, then you can practice forgiveness.

***   If you somehow missed/ignored ALL of my warnings, then I don’t take responsibility. Also, if I believed in hell, then I’d probably go there.

Finals Week Playlist 15

Some terms go by fast, and some go by slow.   This one has been both, somehow…

As I write this, I’m playing hooky from my stacks of finals grading.   In addition to my music, I have been supplementing with horror/disaster/feel good films.   I will say that “Exeter” and “Big Ass Spider” got me though my basic math skills.   “Inglorious Basterds” and “The Veil” helped me with Intermediate Algebra.   I am still undecided what will work for my Beginning Algebra grading… perhaps something in the Friday the 13th oeuvre?

Still there are some songs that just get me in the grading mood.   And nothing helps keep my pen moving like a catchy beat.

 

Here is the list for this quarter:

  • Starting out, we need Foo Fighters, “All My Life”  (done, done… on to the next one)
  • I wish my students were like Shakira, “Try Everything” (even if you might fail)
  • Saliva, “Your Disease”   because sometimes I need some naked aggression.
  • Ever since Deadpool, I’ve found myself humming Salt n’Peppa, “Shoop”
  • Greydon Square, “A Rational Response” helps to remember that there are very intelligent people out there….
  • “This is Your Life” from the Fight Club Soundtrack.  Just listen.
  • An awesome cover of “Where is my Mind?” by Daniela Andrade
  • Jess Greenberg covers “Highway to Hell”, just for funsies.
  • Iron Maiden “Run to the Hills”.   Which I may want to do soon…
  • A beautiful and epic cover of “The Sound of Silence” by Disturbed

 

Back to the grind here soon.

In the red zone…

This term has been rough for a couple of reasons, and scheduling has been one of the main difficulties.   This blog is one of my methods of teaching self care, and timing has gotten weird. I find that I’m behind on both my grading and my sleep.  I’m hopeful that time will be working out better soon.

Things have been busy this quarter, I’ve found myself swamped.  I have had to get back to basics when it comes to teaching.

For some teachers “back to basics” means working with rote assignments, or teaching from lesson plans, or evaluating their scaffolding.   For me it means something different:   Watching horror movies while grading.

After classes, it takes a few minutes to sort out assignments and cue up the movie.   As the ominous credits start to roll, I set up my rubric.   I can usually grade an entire set of midterm exams in a feature horror film.

I like big brains and I cannot lie...

Torture, rivers of red, disaster… all made better by simple cinematic violence.

I don’t know how else to put it, but there is nothing that quite puts errors on paper into perspective as watching someone being dismembered on screen.   Something about bone chilling terror, apocalyptic disasters, and pain, help the process of grading and giving constructive feedback so much easier.

I do sometimes wonder why this is.   It could be that perspective of cinematic disaster makes seeing academic disasters easier.   Or perhaps it is comforting to think that the shallow (if pretty) characters on screen are getting bloodied for their insipid behavior.  Probably its just my taste for horror and the macabre that I don’t get to indulge inside the classroom.

Students:   I love you all, but sometimes I need to stab your tests until it stops hurting.  I’ve already gone through three red pens this quarter.    And be glad you don’t have to watch me grade… that would be more terrifying than J-Horror.

Now we are in the last few days before finals, which means that students and teachers alike are stressed out…

… so take some time…

… find your happy place…

… and breathe.

The quarter will be over soon.   Spring break is just around the corner, and a new quarter can begin the cycle anew.

January, you suck

I know I have taken a longer than usual hiatus from blogging these past few weeks.    Sorry about that!

Life happens, and it has been happening a lot this month.

Stress is stress, regardless of the cause.   Sometimes it is hard to remember that good things can still be stressful too.   This season has had its ups and downs.   So here is what I’ve been contending with:

The Good:   My work and relationships have been both good and busy!   I’m teaching at two different schools I have learned a lot from my new school.  Also, the extra work I’ve gotten has allowed me to be out of debt for the first time in my adult life.    I also have amazing friends and relationships.   My partner and me have decided to move in together and have started looking for a new apartment.     So I have had some wonderful hours looking for apartments with her, and trying to coordinate the puzzles of our lives optimally.

The Bad:   Looking for a new apartment has some extra motivation recently.   My current apartment has been … damp.   This has been an unusually wet Winter, and my apartment has flooded multiple times.  My landlady is nice, but I’m tired of the underannounced workmen who show up, and occasionally coming home to find puddles in my hallway.    Also my recent apartment hunting turned up some issues that I had to deal with in my credit!  (Lets just say it was some residual fallout from a nasty breakup a few years back).   I managed to fix the issues… mostly.

Also, kidney stones are no picnic.

The Ugly:  Taking care of yourself is important, but sometimes even the best efforts don’t work.   Depression and insomnia are things that I periodically have to contend with in my life, and it has made starting teaching this quarter a bit difficult.*   I also have some very dear friends going through some hard times.   I can listen and sympathize, but there isn’t anything I can do otherwise.   And then there is dread… I’ll just say that I’m hoping to avoid PTSD triggers this quarter.

The Usual:    Teaching is a wonderful thing, but it is a lot of work.  Patience isn’t always easy, and it is a necessity for teaching.     I love my students, and I love to teach, but it is a rare week when I don’t have a three-inch stack of grading with me on my weekends.   Teaching is a job that will take all the time and energy that you give to it.   And there will always be more to do.

I also shouldn’t be allowed to listen to politics.   Ever hear the old saying:   if you like laws or sausages, never watch either being made?   Yeah.   I look at American politics and can’t decide whether to laugh or cry.

And that has been my life.   Sorry I haven’t been posting/not sorry, because I can’t really feel bad for being a responsible adult.

February has some more promise in it.  I’m hoping for less drama, although moving friends (and possibly ourselves) is likely to be happening.   January, you are hereby voted out of 2016.

 

* Just to let you know, I’m okay.   Still weird, and feeling better at this end of the month.

Finals Week Playlist 14

Another term’s final has passed.   This has been a good quarter if a somewhat difficult one.   My personal difficulties involved flooding followed by incompetent plumbers, a busier schedule than I have ever had, and a fantastic relationship.

In class has involved teaching several new classes, the usual host of students (enthusiastic students, students with issues, and the indifferent students).  This quarter I have personally worked through five red pens.  Contemplate that for a moment.  Five red pens.

In any case, here is some of the music that graded to.

  • Mathematical Music (Just for the awesome video)
  • Johnathan Coulton – Chiron Beta Prime (Tis the Season… for robots)
  • The All-American Rejects – Gives you Hell
  • Professor Elemental – All in together
  • Oingo Boingo – Only a Lad   (Dedicated to a special someone… who I hope to never see again)
  • MIA – Bad Girls
  • P!nk – So What?
  • Tank Girl – Lets do it  (Dedicated to a special someone who I am moving in with…)
  • Limp Bizkit – Break Stuff
  • Rob Zombie – Demon Speeding  (Why don’t you ask me what it feels like to be a freak?)

 

Now we get to take a vacation.   And by vacation, I mean I get to sleep in and hang out with my family as I plan my classes for next quarter.   (Unpaid overtime!   Woohoo!!!!)

Now go forth and use your powers for whatever the hell you want to.   They are your powers!

Donald Trump

Dear Donald,

I was going to start this letter with the request that you shut the fuck up.   Instead, I think I want you to keep talking.   You see, the more you talk the stupider you look.   I want to say that you represent the worst of America.   You have money to spend, and yet you are morally bankrupt.   You are a hateful and bigoted man, and your jingoist speeches highlight your attitudes.   I was briefly concerned about you, now I just pity you.

Willful ignorance offends me.   I think that your profound lack understanding of complex issues would be a disaster for this country.   I’m a teacher because I want to fix ignorance, while you seem to celebrate it.

Don’t expect me to address anything else to you.  I don’t care for adolescents of any age.

Sincerely,

Colin Leetham

Founder of the Evil League of Teachers

 

P.S.  Donald, I changed my mind.   Shut the fuck up.

As a reminder:  The views expressed by the Evil League of Teachers do not reflect those of our employers, friends, family, or any other membership organizations.

Whelmed

Being a teacher is more than just a job.   Teaching will take every erg of energy you throw at it… and no matter what, there will always be more that you can do.

But teachers are human too.   No matter how we try to be super-teachers, we have lives that sometimes get … complicated.   This may seem like a lead up to an apology for posting sporadically over the last month.   If that is what you thought, then you are right.  I have been overwhelmed and I haven’t kept up on posting.  Sorry.

Among other things, my apartment flooded. After a very damp and squishy night keeping the waters at bay, I had the usual complement of students to care for, classes to teach, and stacks of grading to do.  Self care took a back seat for a while, which was a mistake.

The world never stops, no matter how much we need a break.

After things calmed down, I had planned to write about the attacks from ISIS on Paris … but my friends asked me to wait, to post something fun, but my brain was blank.   I know it is illogical, but I wish I hadn’t waited to post in light of the mass shooting in San Bernardino.   Perhaps they were right, it was too depressing.  I don’t like to admit it, but I have limits and I was reaching mine.   My voice isn’t that loud in the world, but I hope it is heard by some folks.

I *will* be posting on those touchy subjects in the weeks to come.   I’m even happy to give you a preview of the content:   Resist.   Talk to the Muslims in your life, and let them know that they have your support.   Bad people can do horrible things in the name of what you believe in. That doesn’t mean that they represent you or your beliefs, even if they do share a name.   Don’t play to the narrative that Daesh has set up.   And do not give up your freedoms.   It isn’t for love of Mohammed, or Allah, or anything – giving up your freedom is losing.  Living well is the best revenge.   So keep talking, keep exchanging ideas, and pity the fools who think they know the mind of god.  Good ideas can stand up to questions.   Bad ideas cannot be supported, and only violence can carry them forward.

… {later} …

Being a teacher is a job that never stops.   I have good students who want to better their lives, and bad students who need to learn life lessons in order to better themselves (before math lessons can be learned).   Students who need help, and family and friends who need me too.   And I need them just as much.

Being a teacher is more than a job. It is a labor of love.   And I won’t ever stop, because as much as my students need me, I need them too.

Next week I will be on to cheerier subjects, like music to grade finals to.